Dreams Imitating Reality

Sometimes we just need a good walk and some fresh air. I woke up today thinking, “Oh my goodness . . . I have SO much I need to do and not enough time!!!” My heart started racing a little, my mind started to organize all the to do list items into categories, time frames, and possible outcomes for varying choices. I was so overwhelmed that I . . . took a nap – well after running a few errands first. I honestly thought, I just need to sleep on it.

Well, my dreams were bonkers and super vivid. I dreamt of being at a giant entertainment industry weekend casting call for any and all types of positions in the industry. It was at some hotel with a Costco down the street. Adam Sandler came over with only a towel on and I had to ask my boyfriend to give him a pair of shorts to wear because well . . . he needed them. They proceeded to hit it off and went up to the rooftop to hang out, talk and who knows but I was asked to bring them up food. The whole dream was about all the challenges I had in getting the food, remembering what food to get for who, carrying the food, and then to find Adam driving next to me on the freeway (after I stopped at Costco) and I literally had whoever was next to me pass the food to him, from my passenger window to him driving 60 MPH.

I woke up feeling really displaced and almost dizzy. I quickly got up, put on some workout clothes and went for a walk. I don’t have all the answers to my list of to do items, but at least I know “sleeping on it” just shows me more creative ways to say the same thing – I am feeling overwhelmed.

Our dreams are just an extension of us and if we look at them closely, we can learn from them. They show us our life, our heart, our mind, and our soul. Right now, my dream is telling me I just need to start small. I think a warm shower is in order 🙂

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Guardian Angels are Real

The notion of true love, soul mates, and romantic endings – is it real? I like to believe it is real. I think we all have moments, hours, days, even years, or lifetimes of this being real for us or people we know. If we have not yet experienced it, or only experienced it for a short time, does not mean it is not real and cannot be real for all of us.

I have maybe been “in love” a handful of times. Why can’t I put an exact number on it? Well, I suppose with each relationship I thought, “This is LOVE!  – He is THE one!” and then it didn’t work out for one reason or another. However, in that moment, the love I felt, the love he gave, the love we shared, was my truth and to me it was very real.

I loved all the different Ryan’s in my life. Starting in the 4th grade, I had a HUGE crush on just about every boy named Ryan. There was Ryan F. in 4th and 5th grade. He was athletic, beautiful and super smart. I would take what change I could find around the house, walk up to the local grocery store, buy whatever candy or hostess products I could afford and leave them on his doorstep. Yes, he was my “first love”. It was not reciprocated, but that’s okay. Then in Junior High, I went through Ryan F___ (a different Ryan from the 4th grade, where I lived in Colorado). He was suuuuuuper dreamy. Honestly, one of the most attractive guys EVER. I heard he had sex with his babysitter and I didn’t care. This Ryan was very popular and didn’t give me the time of day. I don’t think he knew about me until later on in high school. I crushed on him for a long time. Again, not reciprocated at all. Then came Ryan M. He lived down the street from me.  We rode the same bus to school. He was so cute, shy, and kind of just kept to himself. I again, thought buying his love was the answer, so on valentines day, I went all out and when we got off the bus, I gave him a huge basket of candy. I do not think he was impressed…embarrassed is more like it. He and I were at least sort of friends. A group of us would play down in the drainage system under the newly constructed homes where we lived until the city got smart and put up a fence so we couldn’t just walk right in from the local park. This was followed by short crushes on a Ryan C who was diagnosed with something in junior high and everyone started crushing on him while he went through whatever it was (again, my memory sucks). The Ryan crushes ended in Junior High and then I found a John. He was pretty much my high school … and if I am being honest, I think there is still a tiny part of me that will always wonder if things could have been different. But we are both happy and in two very different places in life these days.

When I “crush on a guy”, I crush hard. I feel deeply and perhaps this is what helps me find so much empathy for others in my life and even for those I do not know at all.  This “gift” of being able to connect to people on an emotional level is sometimes a “curse” too  – it has its pros and cons. While I love unconditionally, I also feel the loss of  or disappointment in that love equally deep.  It is a perfect yin and yang, a balanced scale of “good and bad” or experiencing polarity. You see, the deeper we are able to love, then the more we know about this gift as a whole. It has the ability to heal and fill our lives with so much pure joy. The curse is that once that is gone, we see the opposite impact to our hearts. Would you give up the pain, but miss the dance? Not me.

My marriage failed a long time ago and I hung on, pretending it was okay and enough. However, once I had the strength to be true to me, my life purpose, and the responsibility to my children to see healthy relationships, I knew what we had needed to change. I opened pandoras box and started communicating my feelings. Not having done this (maybe really EVER in our relationship) sent him over the edge and the addiction I knew was lurking blew up in my face. Saying no to a porn/sex addict, was not going to be met with a friendly, “It’s okay babe, lets work through this” approach. Needless to say, that relationship served many lessons and continues to help me grow in ways that are often painful. I am so ready to be done with this particular “college course” in life, so I can more fully move into my new purpose. To me, life is a series of college level classes with labs and lots of homework/tests. Some courses, I get A’s, while others, I am hardly passing. Needless to say, to move on in my eternal progressions, college graduation is the only way.

Today, I am in a very different kind of relationship with a man (lets call him “Jay”), who has taught me more about myself, sacrifice, patience and passion, following your heart, choosing optimism and living fully than anyone prior. Before Jay, I had no idea this kind of relationship really existed. I would read books full of connected men and women and watch these love stories thinking, “There is no way that is real?!” Are there really men out there who love so deeply, romantically, with all they are and all they want to be? I am here to tell you, men like this are real, they do exist and I am doing my best to raise my boys with this kind of love, passion, integrity and vision of what is possible.

I did not know what it was like to fight, make up, and grow stronger together. I was a pro at burying my feelings. I did not know how to freely express what was on my heart and mind without any fear of retribution … and now I had a boyfriend who did not judge my situation, he just kept asking, “What else?” until I was done expressing everything that had been bottled up. I did not know that being intimate could bring me to tears of complete joy.  I had never connected with another human being the way our souls and our hearts would mush together with something as simple as soft, beautiful, positive intended, freely given, expecting nothing in return, kiss.

I keep asking him if he is my guardian angel who manifested into real life knowing I was going to end up in a real hard place, without the skills of how to find my purpose. Was he here to show me the way, to show me what I did not know really existed so I could never go back to not knowing? Was here forever or just for today?

In the end, I have no clue if we are forever, or if today will be the last day we have together as a couple. What I do know is I am grateful for everything I have learned from him and our relationship. I now know that the stories I had seen, read, or heard, were real and could also be real for me. I just needed to find myself, stand up for myself, and move through the sludge I had let pile up around me. Each day continues to be one day closer to where I want to be, who I want to be, and what I want in all my current and future relationships – a love that gives expecting nothing in return and can last through any challenge. A love that will challenge me to see the better way to go, and gently help me get back on course when I have veered. Our guardian angels come in all different relationships, but in the end, they are there to show us what real love is and can be for each and everyone of us.

I take lots of pictures of Jay and I in our various life experiences, because with my horrible memory, I never want to forget him, this love or what it has done for me in this life.  Guardian angles are real and mine happens to be a gracious, thoughtful, smart, young, beautiful, giving, happy, animal loving, open and spiritual man who fills the current “title” of my boyfriend.

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It’s been a week…

Have you ever had just, “One of those weeks?”

This has been one of those for me. It’s hard to reconcile it all and think, “This is all meant to be.” – I honestly wonder, what is the lesson here for me, can it come quick, and end even quicker?

When things seem to be falling apart around you, that is THE MOST important time to take a deep breath and know that the Universe has our backs. We are part of it and it is part of us. Everything will be okay . . .  we just need to be patient and give it time to work its self out. This is the hardest part for me personally. I just want things to be perfect now. My life has been in chaos for two years, so NOW universe, please stop trying to teach me lessons.

I talked with a friend last night that I have not been able to connect with since my separation. I filled her in on my life and she did the same. She lost a child not too long ago, shortly after birth. The crazy thing for me is that we both had the same experience in completely different ways.

Both of us thought life could not get any better. Nothing was “wrong”. We lived in the suburbs, with great kids, a nice house, volunteer work under our belts and seemingly good relationships. Then, out of the blue life changed for both of us (in very different ways), but we felt the same – sadness, despair, loneliness, fear. We are both still morning losses (hers of her newborn son, and me of a marriage I thought was the “perfect dream”). We both were feeling the same way, but with completely different life experiences.

This made me realize (even more so), that we all want the same things ultimately in life. We all feel the negative emotions in life the same way. These just all come to us in varying experiences. To see myself in her and her in me, made me see how similar we are in so many respects.

In the end, if we can live open and lose our identity/labels, we can truly see that we are all one striving for the same peace, happiness, security and love.

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Life Purpose

We all have an inner voice that, if we let it, will guide us towards our life purpose. It is hard to hear at times, and even harder to hear if it was silenced as a child. Perhaps your parent(s) made most of your choices for you or told you things about yourself that were not true, and without knowing slowly silenced your higher self. Now that you are an adult, you wonder what the heck you are doing here and where you are going. You have unrealized or unanswered dreams. Thus, we settle for what is easy, or has always worked. We are afraid to branch out and do what our heart is yearning for and desires most.

Two thoughts when I think about listening to our life purpose; First, we must allow space for those dreams to manifest; Second, we must not shut down our own children’s voices, therefore perpetuating the cycle of unfulfilled desires.

When it comes to our own deep needs, dreams, hopes and desires, we can still find them and fulfill them, if we want to put the time into letting this voice find its place again in our lives. How do we go about doing this? Spend time in nature, meditation, prayer, or free writing (with your opposite hand as it triggers the side of your brain that is less frequently used) and see what comes up. ASK for help in knowing what it is that the Universe desires most for you in this life … and then … listen!! Pretend you have all the money you need, you have all the relationships you desire, you have all the possessions you want or need, you will not disappoint anyone, you are not too old to start something new, and you cannot make a wrong choice – what is left? What is it you see yourself DOING!? This is the answer. You see, if you can find out what that is, you will find your eternal happiness, because in the end, its not about money or possessions, but rather what it is you are meant to do here, in this life!

Sometimes it means starting small. Sometimes we just need to take a step towards a direction, ANY direction. Once we start to move we allow for the universe to work in our favor. Day dreaming doesn’t produce. Do not let fear, or doubt or uncertainty keep you from trying new things. As we find things that do not fit, it narrows down the options and we will eventually find out what does fit. Your life purpose will not feel forced once you start to move in that direction – you will feel and find flow! Like the water in a slow moving stream, your dreams will start to manifest with experiences flowing around obstacles in your way.

Next, make sure you do not silence your child’s inner guidance system. I have several children and I see that each of them came with their own purpose. They desire different things in this life, have different temperaments, and preferences. They chose me to be their Mom and with that comes the responsibility to allow them to have the space they need to grow into the adults they were meant to be. It would be easy for me to sign them all up for soccer, because that is convenient or the activity I like to watch or play, but their life is not about me – it is about them!

Once I could really see them as unique individuals for which I was placed as their guardian for a short time, I am able to put my expectations, hopes, dreams, and desires for them on the side, I give them the chance to express their inner voice – to use it and exercise it in various life experiences. One child may have come here to learn hard lessons, another to lead, another to play. It is my job, as a parent, to observe, present options to nurture their innate talents, and love them through all their good and not so good choices.

I often thought it would be great to have a place I could bring them that would test each kiddo in all aspects of life and give me a road map of where they will be most successful. However, if I just listen to my inner voice, my higher self, and trust that I am their Mom for a reason, then I do not need an outside assessment. I can trust my instincts, while being open to their individual personalities, skills, and shortcomings. I will then know exactly how to help them be the best versions of themselves.

Above all, I need to live open to ANY and ALL possibilities for myself and them. They too are not the identity I have placed on them. They are infinite beings, here to learn and grow through a series of successes and trials and each of them deserve all my love, uncountable hugs and encouragement. When I can truly value all they are and all they will be, regardless of what I want for them, then I allow them the space to fulfill their life’s mission.

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Decision Time

I am probably one of the slowest decision makers on the planet. I need to look at every road, compare and contrast all the options, play out how each choice might transpire. It is really exhausting to be honest. Buying a new appliance can take me months. Therefore, imagine when I needed to make the choice to stay in my marriage or leave. You would think I would have pondered it for months or even years…but that is not how it happened for me.

He had moved out for a short while when things were not good with us. Out of the blue, he appeared one day, without notice and started yelling at me. He was cursing that this was his F-ing house and his F-ing bed and I could stay or go, but he was coming back. What would you have done if you were me? Since we all have different past experiences that make up our current truths, I had to do what was right for me in that moment given my past.

My mother has been married three times. The first marriage was full of physical, emotional, verbal abuse that I witnessed often as a very young child. I remember one day my Dad had broken down the bathroom door and pulled my Mom out. He was holding her down on the ground in a choke hold. I came out crying, he looked at me and started yelling , “Do you want me to kill her? Do you want me to kill her?” over and over again. I think I was about five or six. The next few days, instead of buying a new door, my Mom and/or Dad somehow wood glued that bathroom door (which was right in the middle of the house by the family room/next to my bedroom door) back together. It had to have been in four or five large pieces and they glued it back together?!! They didn’t even paint it – I could see the glued veins of the door and so could everyone else. It was a constant reminder for me of how someone can break your heart and while they can try to glue it back together, it will never look whole or new again.

When my ex came into the house that day and started on his rampage, also banging on one of the doors (flashback) to try and pull out a college student who was living with us because he was so jealous of my relationship with him, I knew I had to leave. I needed a place that was mine, when my kids and I could be safe from whatever rage my continue to brew up in him over time. I was not going to end up in the same position as my Mom and have my kids live with the same broken door scars as me.

The Universe heard my cry and within one week I found a house, across town, with alarms on every downstairs window and door. The owners were so nice and left me a couch, the washer and dryer, a fridge, and a bookshelf. I had nothing but an empty house and a fresh start on life. I was lucky to have saved some money to help me get started. Being in my late 30’s and literally starting over was so strange. I didn’t have junk mail, a measuring cup – or cups in general, a bed, towels, or even food. The salvation army became the place to shop! I did not care because the house had alarms and a bedroom door that locked. I was safe. It took a long time for this house to feel like a home, my home. My extended family thought I was crazy. Nobody knew the details and everyone just assumed I was going through a midlife crisis of some kind – and I suppose I was … more like mid-life awakening!

I am still not a great or even good decision maker. It still takes me a long time to “move” in any one direction. I get so caught up in the details that I often just stand still until I am pushed. I asked a friend who works on clearing out negative energy and restoring balance to your body (you would not believe the things I have learned about, which are out there to help us if we let them), “How can I be a better decision maker in my life?” I am paraphrasing here but her response was beautiful.

She said that when we are presented with options, we take one at a time and literally try it on. Think to yourself I am putting on (like a coat) option A and then just be still – sit – breathe – and FEEL. What does option A feel like in your body? How does your heart feel? How does your mind feel? How does your gut feel? Are there places where it feels off or does not fit? THEN, take off option A, leave it next to you and put on option B. Go through the same process. Do this for all the options, without judgement. One, if right, will fit you the best. And if none feel spot on, then its okay to just be still until the universe can show you another option. It is OKAY to NOT KNOW.

I would like to add that once we make the choice, and we move forward, then it becomes our past. We cannot change the past (although some theories suggest we can  – still learning about that though). We should be kind to ourselves. Know we did the best we could have, with what we knew, and how we felt at the time. Today we still cannot change the past so stop thinking and worrying about it. The past is the past, and we need to forgive ourselves and others for the coats of choices put on and worn that impacted us and others in ways we felt were not “right”. Everything happens in perfect time. If we can be a little kinder to our own hearts, and to others, knowing that we are all doing our best, then we are Living Open and Valuing Everything, regardless of the coat we (or another) had on any one particular day.

 

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Emotions In Check

One of the most valuable skills I have learned over the last two years since my separation (followed by divorce), is being able to be “friends” with my emotions; particularly the ones I deem as “negative”. When we have people in our life who consciously or subconsciously want to hurt us because they are hurting, it is difficult to stay level-headed. The cycle of verbal attacks can drive anybody insane.

I was never someone who had the skills to handle (or even the need to know how to handle) abusive people – heck I didn’t even attract individuals who live in the land of “drama”. Therefore, when the mean texts and emails started pouring in from my ex, I was frozen at first. Okay, lets be honest, not just “at first” – it lasted for months and months. This state of complete standstill. All I kept saying to myself and to others was, “I don’t know.” I had no clue what was happening to my life. I was ashamed and embarrassed by what was happening and I was not in control.

This was not suppose to happen to me. I am a good person, I help others, I am a good Mom (most of the time), I carefully planned out my future and this WAS NOT part of it. I did not want my personal life to become public knowledge or for me to be the one people started whispering about. My whole life became one big “I DON’T KNOW!”

I literally had to stop and think, “Who is this person sending me these messages of hate?” While I had known him for most of my life, I never knew this dark, angry, side – and it scared me. It was frightening and confusing not knowing how far he would go to hurt me. Were the things he was saying true? Am I a horrible Mom? Do I not deserve to have a happy existence? Should I stay in a marriage where I was cheated on since day one with pornography (and later acting out – maybe during the marriage, but for sure once I had left). Was I a victim to his choices in our marriage and now a victim to his ongoing verbal abuse? Perhaps all his words were not outright lies. I had made plenty of poor choices myself during and after our marriage, but it was how we each responded to the life experience that baffled me.

It is in our darkest hours, where our tears can water the seeds of growth deep within our souls. I needed to understand life in a new way, that was always my life path. This experience was the avenue I had to go down (heck I believed I picked it as my challenge for growth) to crack open that seed and allow something new to be born. I died, well a version of me died, when I moved out and sub sequentially decided to move on. My whole life, which I had carefully designed, built and imagined with the suburban house with a pool and trampoline, several beautiful kids, and dogs was lost – the perfect picture was lie and I buried it with my heartache, tears, confusion, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety medication. With this death, I was reborn…but that was not an easy birth and I am still growing.

I was told by therapists and support group friends to, “take care of myself”, but what the heck did that mean? I didn’t know what that meant – I need steps, like concrete steps – do this first, then this, then this, and you will be healed and well. No such luck. I found that I had to lose my identity to find out who I really was. I poured myself into authors like Brene Brown and Wayne Dyer. I would watch TED Talks endlessly and subscribed to YouTube channels like Abraham Hicks, Hans Wilhelm, Sadhguru, Mindvalley Academy and OWN. I was looking for answers on how to take care of me. I needed a better answer to myself then “I don’t know.”

What I found was an entirely different way to live and to see every interaction I had in my day. I am a work in progress, a child again in so many ways. I would joke with my therapist and say I feel like a college student without a major … aimlessly taking classes on life and trying to figure out what is real for me what is not. With the trauma of the marriage and divorce, I lost my intuition. I could no longer hear myself. That gut feeling, or voice in my head suggesting to me what I should do or where to go. Without a functioning compass of my higher self’s voice in my head and heart, I was wandering. I was going at life blindly. But as a shirt I once saw read, “Not all who wander are lost.” – I was just wandering while my seed of life was growing.

Let’s circle back around to emotions and being able to see them, acknowledge them and let them just be. This is an on-going practice for us all. As an example, now when I see a text or email come across my phone from my ex, (which I know is going to try very, very hard to pull me into his tornado of despair), I take a deep breath. I read it knowing he is hurting, and I say to myself it might be true for him but it does not need to be true for me. I create my own reality, my own truth and that is what is real.

His words are just that …. Letters, words, thoughts, opinions and I do not need to hit subscribe to his blog of onslaught attacks. My heart might start to stir and it takes effort not to defend myself thus replying with, “You are wrong!” or, “You did this and that to me!!” or “Screw You!” – believe me, all those thoughts want to come out sometimes. Then I realize, that is what he wants, to bring me down, which is not really going to benefit either one of us. True it might feel empowering in the moment to stand up for myself and “fight”, but I would be acting in such a low negative place. Therefore, I would only bring more negativity into my life. In addition, when I engage him in a non-loving response, it does not allow him to learn and grown in ways that he needs to. So, what do I do? Well, most of the time, I have learned that ignoring him works best BUT, this still leaves me with the murkiness of his words and the fact that somehow I need to learn to “live in a space” (heck not literally, but figuratively) with him that will ultimately still benefit our children. Their sanity and stability is the utmost importance. I also knew that while he worked through his demons, I needed to not take my sweet time working out mine, because for our kiddos to be successful they needed one “stable” parent.

Isn’t it interesting that when we are forced by the universe to move for the urgency of those we love, we are able to do it? My kids needed me to be their Mom – and to do that half way well, I needed to learn to control my emotions.

Here is what is working for me these days. First, I recognize the emotion. I am feeling sad, or angry, or confused, or pissed, or whatever. I notice where I feel it in my body and then take slow deep breath’s into that place. I literally imagine a clean, healing source of love moving into that part of my heart, or head or chest or wherever it decided to plant itself. Then, I give myself a pep talk with positive affirmations to offset the negative. I approach the feeling, as if it were a real living person, and talk to it (in my mind or alone in my car/room so I don’t look completely nuts) and first express gratitude for it. Without the negative emotion rushing through me, how would I ever recognize its opposite?

I ask the negative emotion how long it needs to stick around for – but I do not allow it to stay for more than 24 hours. If I need to live with it for a few hours, then that is okay. At times my emotions rule my day, which stinks for getting “to do lists” completed. However, I know it is not here to stay. I know it will find a new home, outside of my body. As I send love to myself, through a number of different exercises, this helps me return to baseline.

Meditation and prayer have been a clear way to release the negative. I might take a warm bath or shower, I might go to the gym or for a walk/run. I will hug my kids until they cannot stand it anymore. I will serve others when I see a need in my daily life. I keep a happiness journal and do my best to write what there is to be happy about today. I have a white board by my front door where the kids and I write what we are grateful for. I surround myself with positive people who love me and I spend my free-time in following my intuition and learning from so many different individuals online, in books, in conferences and seminars, and support groups. I am living open to whatever may be and not tying myself to an identity that others have placed on me or the titles I thought I needed and was. I can let go of all of that (not all the time), but it takes working on it every day. I am finding value in ALL my experiences, even the ones that suck with the ex, because that is what L.O.V.E is to me; Live Open & Value Everything.

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Live Open

While driving the other day, I started thinking about what I thought was the most important word in the English language. Many were coming up, but the one I could not dismiss was the word “Love”. From the moment we can sense and feel, our souls yearn to be connected to Love – I mean that is where we came from and where we want to go back to … and where we ultimately want to spend every moment of this life in – In Love. Love of family, love of work, love of home, love of friends, love of self, etc.

I believe this is because love is the essence of who we really are and what we are here to master. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be used to better the lives of others and it hurts when we put expectations on it and those are not met. For me, I wanted to see Love as a way to live a better life. I wanted to detach love from being an expectation I put on others. The question of who loves me? Or, am I good enough to receive love? Why doesn’t he/she love me the way I love them? This line of questioning is exactly where I had always gone when I would think about Love – an exchange of feelings between me, someone or something else and this word with high expectations.

What if … all along … we have had the construct of the word wrong? What if love means something entirely different – or what if it just could?

To have happiness each moment would mean we are living our purpose and our truth. When we are doing this, there is no way not to be fulfilled in the day-to-day. When we are happy, we radiate that energy out to the world and that is the energy we get back. So, it would make sense that we would all want to be happy and do that which we came here to do. But how do we find our true purpose? And how do we find love in the various roles we take on or are put upon us?

What if…what if everything you ever believed was wrong?

I think to truly understand love, we need to live in a space where we allow for our current truths and reality to shift in a completely different way as other information comes. It’s okay to be completely wrong about a belief or choice we made. While we made it, we did the best we could have given what we knew at that time. I had a graduate professor who said, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” Therefore, not knowing another belief or choice was possible or could have transpired in a more beneficial way is just part of life. It is not until we have already made the lesser choice and sadly, probably suffered through it, that we grow.

You see, once we can be open to the universe and allow the powers therein to help us, show us, guide us, and gently nudge us into our purpose, we will constantly be making choices based on our past, our identity, our knowledge at that given moment. But if we allow LOVE to work in our life, then we have said to those in the other dimensions or realities, or God, or Source, or our passed ancestors, our angels, or just synchronicity to help us be the best version of ourselves. We need to say, “In the grand scheme of things, I really know very little and I am willing to learn the truths so I can be the best version of me. Please help me find to know my intuition, trust it and follow it!”

I choose to see love as an acronym. This came to me out of the blue one day, and since then, I notice the word in all the right places letting me know it sees me and I am on the right path – synchronicity. So, what is my definition of LOVE? … Live Open; Value Everything.

What does it mean to Live Open? And how do we find value in EVERYTHING? Finally, is this really what Love (I see it as living force) wants us to understand as its true purpose?

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Identity

We are attached to this thing called an identity. We believe we are what others say we are. We believe we are what we do or who we are in relation to others. We form our lives around this identity and that is how we present ourselves to the world. These identities are things that were placed or given to us by our parents perhaps – your name, your religion, your ethnicity, your hometown, your status. And, other times, we decide how we will be “known”. This is conscious and subconscious. We might choose to  be an athlete, a businessman, or teacher. We choose to be parents, or bosses or co-workers. We choose to be tied to others in relationships and then defined by those relationships. We choose our careers and then base our self-worth on those careers or status within families or communities.  We are the high school athlete, an addict, the drama kid, the CEO, the Mom, the Sister or Brother of ______., a (fill in your choice of religion), the waiter, the dreamer, the optimist, the hater, the lover, etc. We pick a long list of ways others can identify us so we can be unique,  special and important. We are humans and need to feel important, right? We desire to fit in, to belong, to be understood, to be loved and accepted. Thus, we wear various identities to fill these needs.

BUT… what happens, when that all changes? We lose our job, we lose a loved one, we get married or divorced, we adopt or leave a religion, we don’t make the team, we get sick, or any number of life experiences that have us start to question, who the heck am I now??!! What am I doing? Where am I going? Why is this happening? What and where now?

Lets explore what happens when you, me, them, us, “Lose Your Identity” and, at times are forced to, “see ourselves in a whole new way”. We might be surprised by who we really were meant to be all along. It is in our darkest times that we find the deepest truth because we are pushed out of our identity and into our purpose – that thing beyond the self and into a collective.

I believe we are powerful, imaginative, loving, creative, open, positive, individuals who are meant to experience all sorts of ups and downs. We are spiritual beings living in a 3D reality were we are not victims to our circumstances, but willing participants for the greater good of truly knowing ourselves and allowing the full range of emotions to flood our world for the betterment of our collective progression.

Our individual identities do matter, but only as far as we are willing to allow them to change and adapt or else we fall into a robotic, stagnate life. And if we are too stagnate, life has a way of waking us up – often times in a rather unpleasant way. However, without the pain, we would not know the joy. Without the “villians” we would not know the heroes. Without the darkness, the light would be expected and unappreciated. It takes all of us to see any of us. You see, in the end, we are all connected. I am you, you are me. When life takes us to the edge and we can see our own pain, joy, love, envy, hope, despair in others, we can truly be one — empathy. Our experiences will differ (and that is wonderful), but remember, we feel the same as others. We can know the full range of emotions and when we can dissociate our own feelings as “special” and can understand that betrayal is betrayal or hope is hope, regardless of the experience in how we got there, or the identity behind the person, we are all human beings, here to learn, grow and most importantly love and be loved.

 

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