Logic in Life

Inspired by a 20-something-year-old rapper/teacher/leader…he will inspire you too!

When I am in my boyfriends truck, he often puts on rappers that I do not know. He sings/raps along and it really amazes me because my brain doesn’t process that kind of music fast enough to “sing along”. Last week, I was trying to really listen to the lyrics and step away from the beat. He was playing a young artist who goes by the name Logic. He has mentioned Logic to me many times, but for some reason, this time I stopped and listened. I was blown away by the messages of love, peace, hope, acceptance, life purpose fulfillment, and knowledge of the way things work/are. From there I thought, “I need to know more about this guy.”

When I got home, I started doing some research into this artist. What is his story? Is he just selling a message or is he living the message he shares? What is “his story”? What is his “identity” and what beliefs has he attach to himself in this regard? There is no question that he can write and rap music … but who is the man behind the lyrics and beat?

Here is what I discovered after watching several hours of him on YouTube (interviews and his documentary):

Logic is a humble, smart man who to many is a guru, teacher, philosopher, and example that when we are in alignment with our life purpose, we are happy and full in this human experience. He has one track on his album “Everybody” called “Waiting Room” – see below. If his message is meant to resonate with you, it will as it did me! For a long time, I did not know there were too many others who thought this way (like me). I believe Logic has stepped back and can see life from a much broader perspective. I am reminded of a quote from Buddha, “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.” Logic sees through the same clear window as Buddha and many other inspired spiritual leaders.

His life circumstances growing up were super challenging. He is a bi-racial man who was surrounded by addictions and violence growing up (just as he had planned prior to this life). He uses his human experiences to connect his message of struggle and love.  He is a great example of a man who is living open and values everything (L.O.V.E). His message fills a need in the music industry. His music transcends our form, background, and life circumstances. This one (Take it Back) is one of my favs because it not only has a great melody that gets stuck in my head, but his message is profound. #LoveLogic

Watch how he has impacted others here:

Shame is Not a Game to Pickup

So often, others will consciously or subconsciously try to shame us into feeling bad about ourselves, our choice(s), our appearance, or any other aspect of our life. The father of my children is REALLY good at dropping the “Shame Ball” at my feet. So often, I could not help but pick it up. I felt bad about myself in so many ways. He plays the victim pretty well – someone should give him an academy award. The other day, he started in on how I basically ruined his life – he didn’t want to get divorced. He was so self-centered (a full blown narcissist) that he could not even see how he had hurt me over the years. He did not notice the change in our relationship. He NEVER thought I would leave him…until I did. The thing about narcissist is that while they seem really confident and full of themselves, they are weak and so self conscious. They have a really difficult time being honest about life experiences and need to blame others, shame others, and be the victim to any and everyone who will listen.

Now he drops shame balls every chance he gets (ugh, “when will it ever end” I ask myself all the time?!?!). I used to carry these balls of shame around with me, feeling bad about what had happened, passing blame, accepting blame, not feeling good enough for anyone or anything in my life. Then I just decided one day, I was going to stop believing his story. I was done picking up the shame he was laying down. I am good enough. I am smart enough. I am pretty enough. I am worthy. I am strong. I am that I am.

When we can stop living in the past, accept that now is all we have, and let the shame game go, we can be whole and get back on our path towards our life purpose. We need to not shame others – lets pick our words carefully. We need to do our best to leave the shame bombs others are dropping – do not give them power because they are lies! Anytime someone brings you down, they are not living at a high frequency – they are so low in power that they need others to be there with them. Only when we decide to not get wrapped up in the shame game, then we are living open and valuing ourselves enough to be who it is we are meant to be.

Organic Snobs or Caring Moms

I watched a show today about GMO’s in our foods and how they are allegedly poisoning us. I always thought “organic” meant I was better than the next person and walked around with my noise in the air — that was my “belief” …omg, where did this come from?

It is bizarre to try and trace back a deep rooted belief to find its source. Was it influenced by our parents, our friends or siblings, or society; our schools, media, or communities? For me it really isn’t super important the experience surrounding the origin, just that I can pinpoint the actual time in my life. This way, I can think of all the human experiences, where I put a belief into motion and gave it energy. I could now discern that those times are a product of a belief I told myself was true for years – and not the real, true, whole, worthy spiritual and human being I am.

With the ability to live open and find value in everything, I watched a show about GMO’s in our foods and from now on, I will buy organic when it is available or better yet, I will seek it out. I will not be walking around the store with my organic basket of items with my nose in the air … for heavens sake, I have six kiddos, my hair lives in a ponytail and if I put Chapstick on I am wearing make-up. By being buying organic I am sending the message that it is important for Mom’s to do this for their families and break the stigma that is attached to buying organic.

My life, and that of my children’s, will forever be changed in small or large ways because of one human experience I chose to listen to with an open mind.

Following Your Blis

Today I visited with my Chiropractor. He is a very nice man with a gift of communication. He is well spoken, listens to the client and articulates back what he is hearing to make sure there is synchronisity in his treatment meeting my pain. He is well liked by his clients and takes the time to really get to know them. He seems like he loves his job and his life.

Looks can be deceiving. Now, it’s not that he is unhappy (I learned a lot today) – it’s that he wants to do something different in life and HAD no intention of ever doing it until I started diving into his life with 1,000 questions.

It began when I asked him about ObamaCare and if it hurt or helped his practice. He proceeded to inform me that in our state, Chiropractic was not covered under the state health plan. Therefore, it neither helped or hurt him professionally. He went on to say, it could have helped him (and thousands of others) had the plan covered at least a handful of Chiro visits a year, but I digress.

Dr. Mark continued to talk about how much time he spends on maintaining the business side of his practice. He is so bogged down with the day-to-day office side, that it has taken the joy out of the healing side, to some degree. I asked him if he could do it all again, knowing what he now knows about the challenges of processing insurance, managing an office, accounting, marketing, etc, would he choose this same profession over again. He said, “No. I would be a history teacher.”

Hold up, a chiropractor, who would rather be a teacher! That was so amazing and not what I thought he would have ever said. I asked him what was stopping him from going out and taking the steps now to one day sell his business and retire teaching! He proceeded to tell me all the reasons why it couldn’t work and I gave him all the reasons why it could and probably should.

When we are called to do something, and in that something, we find joy … then we are in our life’s purpose! This will in its very form bring us more joy, synchronisity, and flow to our life. When we are listening to our higher self, our own intuition, our HEART, then we are exactly where we are suppose to be.

We do not and cannot always make our careers our life purpose. Perhaps our life purpose is to learn and demonstrate kindness. There are several avenues in which we can meet this purpose. We could purse a job in the service industry or we could work any number of other jobs that are completely unrelated. Then, we might meet this purpose through our life’s everyday interactions, where we are given experiences to learn kindness and/or demonstrate kindness. Both of these scenarios fulfill our soul purpose, just through different means. One is no better or worse than the other.

Today, I was able to open up a Type A, doesn’t like change, pessimistic man and show him that it is possible to shift — to move from where we are towards what we really desire in our lives. I gave him tools and strategies that flowed through my mind like a ongoing running faucet. What he chooses to do with those ideas moving forward is up to him. I cannot do his work, but should he be willing to set fear aside for a few minutes and begin to google search his life, he will see he just got into the river with a sturdy craft and is making his way down stream.

Let your record skip

Our life can be compared to a record album with various tones, tempos, themes, and melodies. Each song represents a phase in our life. We often repeat the same kind of song (aka experiences) with slight variations – sometimes an artists sound/songs sound very similar. We can see this most apparent in relationships where the same problems arises even with completely different people, and in different aspects of life (work, home, friends, etc.)

However, sometimes we hit milestones and our song changes. We learn to adjust to the change and find our flow again. We may then move, as though sleep walking, through that song (or section of our life). It is not good or bad, it just is what it is and its fine. There are good days, busy days, off days, sick days and there are struggles, but mostly we simply move through the life a verse at a time.

But what happens when our record player gets bumped, maybe on accident (the illness or death of a loved one), or on purpose (marital affairs, addictions, etc), and now our song (the one playing – this phase of our life) has a skip! First thing first, we need to forgive the person who caused the skip in our song! In reality, they were just helping us to wake up to what is real and see we have been playing the same song over and over again.

So, what the heck is a skip? Well the skip is perhaps the most important event that can happen in your life…

Skips force us to wake up out of the zone and systematic way of living. We are challenged in new ways that we are unprepared for.  To acknowledge the skip lets us see that our life was a song on repeat, and there is a WHOLE other reality out there just waiting for us to remember (heck we wrote this album before we came here – to this human experience), so lets see it, and bond with it. This shift can be the most positive force for good!

Lets be honest, often the skips in our life suck, they hurt, they dig deep, and can tare us apart. They play over and over and we feel stuck on one glitch in our life that we are unsure how to get past!! We may have to move, get divorced, accept the death of a loved one, change jobs, or struggle through an illness – basically it is starting over in one or many aspects of your life.

However, lets find the good in the skip so we can move past it. It is within these moments, where we are forced to do something different and GROW as a human being. We need to be open to new songs, different songs, collaborating with other artists or genres for our album of life. When we can accept our imperfection, big mistakes, life “take backs”, or what others may have put upon us without invitation, we really learn what life is about. Incredible growth comes through incredible pain…it is then that we can unite as one in empathy, forgiveness and love.

Goldfish do not know what water is, do they?

When fish are born, they only know water. It is all around them all the time. They may have a few experiences of being taken out of water during the course of their life.  Without this horrifying experience of not being able to breathe out of the water, fish would be complacent to their environment. Are we complacent to our environments?

I was a fish and swam around doing whatever until I was taken out of the water. It was during this time, my darkest deepest moments in life, where I could not even find my own breathe that I grew and learned life is not just about water — which I never knew even existed because it was just always there … until it wasn’t. Gasping for … water … and only getting this cold, dry, dense air, which was extremely painful, that I knew this was a hard space to be in. What had I done to deserve this pain?? I was just swimming along minding my own business and then SWOOP, I was dragged here – in terrible agony – to a new reality.

What I didn’t know at the time was that I had just been adopted to live in Jenny’s room where she will will love and care for me until the day I die. My ride to her house was even scary – not knowing where I am or where I am going in life. Then all of the sudden, I am literally put into a new, neutral, bigger space with neat looking trees, a little colorful house, regular meals I don’t have to fight for anymore – this is really heaven on earth. And it was all mine – a home, a place where I knew that everything here was safe. I now know that going around thinking this is it, was worse than where I am now, and even though I had to have a very shocking and horrifying life experience to get here, I am better off for it – there is a purpose to all things in life!

So, it’s okay when our record skips or we can’t breathe through one of life’s hardest moments. Take it in with love and acceptance knowing it was always needed for you to continue to progress in this life. Be grateful, forgive, love all, live open to new songs and new environments. Our record will continue to skip, maybe faster or slower than the person next to us, but it is for the growth of our collective consciousness. Lets take time to listen to others people’s songs and we can learn to see we are just like them – pain is pain just as love is love, regardless of how it came to us.

Dreams Imitating Reality

Sometimes we just need a good walk and some fresh air. I woke up today thinking, “Oh my goodness . . . I have SO much I need to do and not enough time!!!” My heart started racing a little, my mind started to organize all the to do list items into categories, time frames, and possible outcomes for varying choices. I was so overwhelmed that I . . . took a nap – well after running a few errands first. I honestly thought, I just need to sleep on it.

Well, my dreams were bonkers and super vivid. I dreamt of being at a giant entertainment industry weekend casting call for any and all types of positions in the industry. It was at some hotel with a Costco down the street. Adam Sandler came over with only a towel on and I had to ask my boyfriend to give him a pair of shorts to wear because well . . . he needed them. They proceeded to hit it off and went up to the rooftop to hang out, talk and who knows but I was asked to bring them up food. The whole dream was about all the challenges I had in getting the food, remembering what food to get for who, carrying the food, and then to find Adam driving next to me on the freeway (after I stopped at Costco) and I literally had whoever was next to me pass the food to him, from my passenger window to him driving 60 MPH.

I woke up feeling really displaced and almost dizzy. I quickly got up, put on some workout clothes and went for a walk. I don’t have all the answers to my list of to do items, but at least I know “sleeping on it” just shows me more creative ways to say the same thing – I am feeling overwhelmed.

Our dreams are just an extension of us and if we look at them closely, we can learn from them. They show us our life, our heart, our mind, and our soul. Right now, my dream is telling me I just need to start small. I think a warm shower is in order 🙂

Guardian Angels are Real

The notion of true love, soul mates, and romantic endings – is it real? I like to believe it is real. I think we all have moments, hours, days, even years, or lifetimes of this being real for us or people we know. If we have not yet experienced it, or only experienced it for a short time, does not mean it is not real and cannot be real for all of us.

I have maybe been “in love” a handful of times. Why can’t I put an exact number on it? Well, I suppose with each relationship I thought, “This is LOVE!  – He is THE one!” and then it didn’t work out for one reason or another. However, in that moment, the love I felt, the love he gave, the love we shared, was my truth and to me it was very real.

I loved all the different Ryan’s in my life. Starting in the 4th grade, I had a HUGE crush on just about every boy named Ryan. There was Ryan F. in 4th and 5th grade. He was athletic, beautiful and super smart. I would take what change I could find around the house, walk up to the local grocery store, buy whatever candy or hostess products I could afford and leave them on his doorstep. Yes, he was my “first love”. It was not reciprocated, but that’s okay. Then in Junior High, I went through Ryan F___ (a different Ryan from the 4th grade, where I lived in Colorado). He was suuuuuuper dreamy. Honestly, one of the most attractive guys EVER. I heard he had sex with his babysitter and I didn’t care. This Ryan was very popular and didn’t give me the time of day. I don’t think he knew about me until later on in high school. I crushed on him for a long time. Again, not reciprocated at all. Then came Ryan M. He lived down the street from me.  We rode the same bus to school. He was so cute, shy, and kind of just kept to himself. I again, thought buying his love was the answer, so on valentines day, I went all out and when we got off the bus, I gave him a huge basket of candy. I do not think he was impressed…embarrassed is more like it. He and I were at least sort of friends. A group of us would play down in the drainage system under the newly constructed homes where we lived until the city got smart and put up a fence so we couldn’t just walk right in from the local park. This was followed by short crushes on a Ryan C who was diagnosed with something in junior high and everyone started crushing on him while he went through whatever it was (again, my memory sucks). The Ryan crushes ended in Junior High and then I found a John. He was pretty much my high school … and if I am being honest, I think there is still a tiny part of me that will always wonder if things could have been different. But we are both happy and in two very different places in life these days.

When I “crush on a guy”, I crush hard. I feel deeply and perhaps this is what helps me find so much empathy for others in my life and even for those I do not know at all.  This “gift” of being able to connect to people on an emotional level is sometimes a “curse” too  – it has its pros and cons. While I love unconditionally, I also feel the loss of  or disappointment in that love equally deep.  It is a perfect yin and yang, a balanced scale of “good and bad” or experiencing polarity. You see, the deeper we are able to love, then the more we know about this gift as a whole. It has the ability to heal and fill our lives with so much pure joy. The curse is that once that is gone, we see the opposite impact to our hearts. Would you give up the pain, but miss the dance? Not me.

My marriage failed a long time ago and I hung on, pretending it was okay and enough. However, once I had the strength to be true to me, my life purpose, and the responsibility to my children to see healthy relationships, I knew what we had needed to change. I opened pandoras box and started communicating my feelings. Not having done this (maybe really EVER in our relationship) sent him over the edge and the addiction I knew was lurking blew up in my face. Saying no to a porn/sex addict, was not going to be met with a friendly, “It’s okay babe, lets work through this” approach. Needless to say, that relationship served many lessons and continues to help me grow in ways that are often painful. I am so ready to be done with this particular “college course” in life, so I can more fully move into my new purpose. To me, life is a series of college level classes with labs and lots of homework/tests. Some courses, I get A’s, while others, I am hardly passing. Needless to say, to move on in my eternal progressions, college graduation is the only way.

Today, I am in a very different kind of relationship with a man (lets call him “Jay”), who has taught me more about myself, sacrifice, patience and passion, following your heart, choosing optimism and living fully than anyone prior. Before Jay, I had no idea this kind of relationship really existed. I would read books full of connected men and women and watch these love stories thinking, “There is no way that is real?!” Are there really men out there who love so deeply, romantically, with all they are and all they want to be? I am here to tell you, men like this are real, they do exist and I am doing my best to raise my boys with this kind of love, passion, integrity and vision of what is possible.

I did not know what it was like to fight, make up, and grow stronger together. I was a pro at burying my feelings. I did not know how to freely express what was on my heart and mind without any fear of retribution … and now I had a boyfriend who did not judge my situation, he just kept asking, “What else?” until I was done expressing everything that had been bottled up. I did not know that being intimate could bring me to tears of complete joy.  I had never connected with another human being the way our souls and our hearts would mush together with something as simple as soft, beautiful, positive intended, freely given, expecting nothing in return, kiss.

I keep asking him if he is my guardian angel who manifested into real life knowing I was going to end up in a real hard place, without the skills of how to find my purpose. Was he here to show me the way, to show me what I did not know really existed so I could never go back to not knowing? Was here forever or just for today?

In the end, I have no clue if we are forever, or if today will be the last day we have together as a couple. What I do know is I am grateful for everything I have learned from him and our relationship. I now know that the stories I had seen, read, or heard, were real and could also be real for me. I just needed to find myself, stand up for myself, and move through the sludge I had let pile up around me. Each day continues to be one day closer to where I want to be, who I want to be, and what I want in all my current and future relationships – a love that gives expecting nothing in return and can last through any challenge. A love that will challenge me to see the better way to go, and gently help me get back on course when I have veered. Our guardian angels come in all different relationships, but in the end, they are there to show us what real love is and can be for each and everyone of us.

I take lots of pictures of Jay and I in our various life experiences, because with my horrible memory, I never want to forget him, this love or what it has done for me in this life.  Guardian angles are real and mine happens to be a gracious, thoughtful, smart, young, beautiful, giving, happy, animal loving, open and spiritual man who fills the current “title” of my boyfriend.

It’s been a week…

Have you ever had just, “One of those weeks?”

This has been one of those for me. It’s hard to reconcile it all and think, “This is all meant to be.” – I honestly wonder, what is the lesson here for me, can it come quick, and end even quicker?

When things seem to be falling apart around you, that is THE MOST important time to take a deep breath and know that the Universe has our backs. We are part of it and it is part of us. Everything will be okay . . .  we just need to be patient and give it time to work its self out. This is the hardest part for me personally. I just want things to be perfect now. My life has been in chaos for two years, so NOW universe, please stop trying to teach me lessons.

I talked with a friend last night that I have not been able to connect with since my separation. I filled her in on my life and she did the same. She lost a child not too long ago, shortly after birth. The crazy thing for me is that we both had the same experience in completely different ways.

Both of us thought life could not get any better. Nothing was “wrong”. We lived in the suburbs, with great kids, a nice house, volunteer work under our belts and seemingly good relationships. Then, out of the blue life changed for both of us (in very different ways), but we felt the same – sadness, despair, loneliness, fear. We are both still morning losses (hers of her newborn son, and me of a marriage I thought was the “perfect dream”). We both were feeling the same way, but with completely different life experiences.

This made me realize (even more so), that we all want the same things ultimately in life. We all feel the negative emotions in life the same way. These just all come to us in varying experiences. To see myself in her and her in me, made me see how similar we are in so many respects.

In the end, if we can live open and lose our identity/labels, we can truly see that we are all one striving for the same peace, happiness, security and love.

Life Purpose

We all have an inner voice that, if we let it, will guide us towards our life purpose. It is hard to hear at times, and even harder to hear if it was silenced as a child. Perhaps your parent(s) made most of your choices for you or told you things about yourself that were not true, and without knowing slowly silenced your higher self. Now that you are an adult, you wonder what the heck you are doing here and where you are going. You have unrealized or unanswered dreams. Thus, we settle for what is easy, or has always worked. We are afraid to branch out and do what our heart is yearning for and desires most.

Two thoughts when I think about listening to our life purpose; First, we must allow space for those dreams to manifest; Second, we must not shut down our own children’s voices, therefore perpetuating the cycle of unfulfilled desires.

When it comes to our own deep needs, dreams, hopes and desires, we can still find them and fulfill them, if we want to put the time into letting this voice find its place again in our lives. How do we go about doing this? Spend time in nature, meditation, prayer, or free writing (with your opposite hand as it triggers the side of your brain that is less frequently used) and see what comes up. ASK for help in knowing what it is that the Universe desires most for you in this life … and then … listen!! Pretend you have all the money you need, you have all the relationships you desire, you have all the possessions you want or need, you will not disappoint anyone, you are not too old to start something new, and you cannot make a wrong choice – what is left? What is it you see yourself DOING!? This is the answer. You see, if you can find out what that is, you will find your eternal happiness, because in the end, its not about money or possessions, but rather what it is you are meant to do here, in this life!

Sometimes it means starting small. Sometimes we just need to take a step towards a direction, ANY direction. Once we start to move we allow for the universe to work in our favor. Day dreaming doesn’t produce. Do not let fear, or doubt or uncertainty keep you from trying new things. As we find things that do not fit, it narrows down the options and we will eventually find out what does fit. Your life purpose will not feel forced once you start to move in that direction – you will feel and find flow! Like the water in a slow moving stream, your dreams will start to manifest with experiences flowing around obstacles in your way.

Next, make sure you do not silence your child’s inner guidance system. I have several children and I see that each of them came with their own purpose. They desire different things in this life, have different temperaments, and preferences. They chose me to be their Mom and with that comes the responsibility to allow them to have the space they need to grow into the adults they were meant to be. It would be easy for me to sign them all up for soccer, because that is convenient or the activity I like to watch or play, but their life is not about me – it is about them!

Once I could really see them as unique individuals for which I was placed as their guardian for a short time, I am able to put my expectations, hopes, dreams, and desires for them on the side, I give them the chance to express their inner voice – to use it and exercise it in various life experiences. One child may have come here to learn hard lessons, another to lead, another to play. It is my job, as a parent, to observe, present options to nurture their innate talents, and love them through all their good and not so good choices.

I often thought it would be great to have a place I could bring them that would test each kiddo in all aspects of life and give me a road map of where they will be most successful. However, if I just listen to my inner voice, my higher self, and trust that I am their Mom for a reason, then I do not need an outside assessment. I can trust my instincts, while being open to their individual personalities, skills, and shortcomings. I will then know exactly how to help them be the best versions of themselves.

Above all, I need to live open to ANY and ALL possibilities for myself and them. They too are not the identity I have placed on them. They are infinite beings, here to learn and grow through a series of successes and trials and each of them deserve all my love, uncountable hugs and encouragement. When I can truly value all they are and all they will be, regardless of what I want for them, then I allow them the space to fulfill their life’s mission.

Decision Time

I am probably one of the slowest decision makers on the planet. I need to look at every road, compare and contrast all the options, play out how each choice might transpire. It is really exhausting to be honest. Buying a new appliance can take me months. Therefore, imagine when I needed to make the choice to stay in my marriage or leave. You would think I would have pondered it for months or even years…but that is not how it happened for me.

He had moved out for a short while when things were not good with us. Out of the blue, he appeared one day, without notice and started yelling at me. He was cursing that this was his F-ing house and his F-ing bed and I could stay or go, but he was coming back. What would you have done if you were me? Since we all have different past experiences that make up our current truths, I had to do what was right for me in that moment given my past.

My mother has been married three times. The first marriage was full of physical, emotional, verbal abuse that I witnessed often as a very young child. I remember one day my Dad had broken down the bathroom door and pulled my Mom out. He was holding her down on the ground in a choke hold. I came out crying, he looked at me and started yelling , “Do you want me to kill her? Do you want me to kill her?” over and over again. I think I was about five or six. The next few days, instead of buying a new door, my Mom and/or Dad somehow wood glued that bathroom door (which was right in the middle of the house by the family room/next to my bedroom door) back together. It had to have been in four or five large pieces and they glued it back together?!! They didn’t even paint it – I could see the glued veins of the door and so could everyone else. It was a constant reminder for me of how someone can break your heart and while they can try to glue it back together, it will never look whole or new again.

When my ex came into the house that day and started on his rampage, also banging on one of the doors (flashback) to try and pull out a college student who was living with us because he was so jealous of my relationship with him, I knew I had to leave. I needed a place that was mine, when my kids and I could be safe from whatever rage my continue to brew up in him over time. I was not going to end up in the same position as my Mom and have my kids live with the same broken door scars as me.

The Universe heard my cry and within one week I found a house, across town, with alarms on every downstairs window and door. The owners were so nice and left me a couch, the washer and dryer, a fridge, and a bookshelf. I had nothing but an empty house and a fresh start on life. I was lucky to have saved some money to help me get started. Being in my late 30’s and literally starting over was so strange. I didn’t have junk mail, a measuring cup – or cups in general, a bed, towels, or even food. The salvation army became the place to shop! I did not care because the house had alarms and a bedroom door that locked. I was safe. It took a long time for this house to feel like a home, my home. My extended family thought I was crazy. Nobody knew the details and everyone just assumed I was going through a midlife crisis of some kind – and I suppose I was … more like mid-life awakening!

I am still not a great or even good decision maker. It still takes me a long time to “move” in any one direction. I get so caught up in the details that I often just stand still until I am pushed. I asked a friend who works on clearing out negative energy and restoring balance to your body (you would not believe the things I have learned about, which are out there to help us if we let them), “How can I be a better decision maker in my life?” I am paraphrasing here but her response was beautiful.

She said that when we are presented with options, we take one at a time and literally try it on. Think to yourself I am putting on (like a coat) option A and then just be still – sit – breathe – and FEEL. What does option A feel like in your body? How does your heart feel? How does your mind feel? How does your gut feel? Are there places where it feels off or does not fit? THEN, take off option A, leave it next to you and put on option B. Go through the same process. Do this for all the options, without judgement. One, if right, will fit you the best. And if none feel spot on, then its okay to just be still until the universe can show you another option. It is OKAY to NOT KNOW.

I would like to add that once we make the choice, and we move forward, then it becomes our past. We cannot change the past (although some theories suggest we can  – still learning about that though). We should be kind to ourselves. Know we did the best we could have, with what we knew, and how we felt at the time. Today we still cannot change the past so stop thinking and worrying about it. The past is the past, and we need to forgive ourselves and others for the coats of choices put on and worn that impacted us and others in ways we felt were not “right”. Everything happens in perfect time. If we can be a little kinder to our own hearts, and to others, knowing that we are all doing our best, then we are Living Open and Valuing Everything, regardless of the coat we (or another) had on any one particular day.